Lately, my heart has been pulled towards what it means to worship God in spirit and in truth. I find myself spending time listening to and singing worship songs, analyzing them in my spirit about what they reveal or say about the nature of God. It blows my mind that such a Holy and Righteous God would want anything to do with me. The fact that He knew and knows how deep into sin I would be and He still chose to send Christ to die for my sake blows my mind. I am beyond unworthy. Yesterday, I was home alone and just worshiping in the quiet of my room. And I was listening to this song that says “wrap me in Your arms”. It is pretty much a heart’s cry to be closer to God. And as I was worshiping, I had a mental picture of God wrapping me in His arms and it made me think of what He saw in me that would ever make me worthy of such closeness with Him. And I realize that there is NOTHING in me that is worthy of such closeness with God; and I got a clear mental picture of what I look like in the middle of my favorite sins. I watched myself fulfilling the lusts that God has commanded me to flee from and I realized how clearly God saw me during those times. I realized how unworthy I am to be near to such a Holy God when all I have ever done in times past is revel in the very sins that disgust Him, sins that invoke His wrath and break His heart when He witnessed me from Heaven; sins that were my own way of nailing Christ back on the cross, telling Him that His sacrifice meant nothing to me. It broke me. All I could do was ask for forgiveness and for His mercy. All I could do was worship this Wonderful and Mighty God who would take me back into His arms after all of the terrible things I’ve done.
I am on a journey of closeness with God and I want all of me to reflect His glory. I never want to get complacent in my view of God. I desire to stand daily in absolute AWE of this Awesome and Terrible God.