When I first heard God speaking to me about exactly what He wanted me to do with the story of my life, I thought “YES, now all I have to do is teach others what I’ve learned and they’ll avoid the pitfalls and everything will be wonderful” Yup, I seriously thought that because I was fulfilling an assignment from God, everything was going to be just joy and laughter every step of the way. And at first, it really was. I was so excited to be in the center of God’s will. I was just teaching everything He would reveal to me. My only thought was that those I was ministering to would take the Word and apply it and run with it because it was the right thing to do. It NEVER once occurred to me that I could teach them the very truth of God and they would not accept or want it. The reality smacked me in the face about a month and a half ago and it literally broke my heart. I felt like the worst teacher ever. How can I be teaching the truth of the Bible and it have no impact on the lives in my class? I felt like a complete failure. God has been working on me since then because I’ve found myself having a nonchalant attitude about my class since then. I kept thinking “why should I continue to kill myself to bring them quality Bible studies if it’s just going into one ear and out the other?”
I realize now that it was my pride that was talking. My feelings were hurt that people weren’t learning as much from ME as I once thought. I definitely have to crucify that flesh and work in the understanding that just because I don’t see immediate results of what God has called me to do, I am not justified in abandoning my work. I have to find my zeal and my passion once again. I have to humble myself and be a servant to the ministry that God is building within me. Being a leader isn’t about being the boss, it’s about doing what is best for everyone and I can’t possibly know what that is if I don’t leave myself available for God to use me as He sees fit. Even if it means enduring some disrespectful behavior or ungratefulness or bad attitudes, I’ve got to do what God has called me to do. No questions asked.